ICDP China has collected some stories from the caregivers who received the ICDP training – click here to read them.
Here is a story from Yang Yang:
“Before learning ICDP, as a mother of two children, I didn’t know how to prevent the children from fighting, nor how to teach them to put away their toys and do the housework they had agreed to do. Every morning it was so painful, because without constant reminders and fights it seems that they would not be able to leave the house in time for school. After school, they had homework, house chores and the inevitable quarreling. Before I learn ICDP, my “tips and tricks” included threats, yelling, and hitting. I did not like this method, and neither did the children. And this method does not work! I threaten, yelled, and hit them repeatedly for the same unruly behavior. I constantly found myself yelling at the children: “I have said it a hundred times, put away your toys! Hurry up and do your homework!” When I was eating, I was so frustrated, because I repeated it a hundred times before I could even realize that my method did not work…
Through studying (ICDP), I discovered that these problems are not my children’s problems, but my problems! Now I use what I have learned from ICDP about raising my children. I try to let them do their homework independently and give encouragement. I patiently ask the child what happened at school and how they are doing, trying to start an intimate conversation. When I leave the house, I want to treat the children as independent people, let them do homework by themselves, and let my son help his sister with her homework if she needs assistance. When I am cooking, if my daughter wants to join in cutting vegetables; I try follow the child’s initiative and give her a small knife to help me cut the potatoes. I also provide explanations for the many strange questions my son asks me. When my child helps me move flowers and plants, we pay attention to the formation of a leaf… Just like Chairman Wu said: “In fact, ICDP is everywhere in life”, it is just that I have lacked patience and understanding for my children! After studying, I discovered that my children have a lot of good sides, but I only wanted them to do things my way. I did not empathize with my children! Now I am slowly changing. After changing myself, the children will change, and the situation at home will also change! I will continually be using what I have learned!”.